I’m sure Kate O’Rourke never imagined that she’d spend her life raising her sister’s children. She probably had her own hopes and dreams of marrying and having a family one day. But when her sister Mary Mattimore died at 27 leaving two young boys, Kate became a caretaker and stand-in mother to Harry and Joseph Mattimore. When the boys’ father died, she became their guardian as well.

For many reading this blog, Harry and Joseph Mattimore were our grandfathers. Depending on your age, you might remember just a little or a lot about them. But imagine them as boys, growing up not knowing their mother. Mary died when Harry was not quite six and Joseph was three. What do you remember from when you were three? (In the photo above, that is Aunt Kate with the boys along with her mother, Catherine O’Rourke, who would be the boys’ grandmother and my great great grandmother.)

Kate O’Rourke (photo below) had the same tough childhood that her sister had — a bad news father who drank a lot and died when she was a teen, a sister who died in a swing accident at age 5, a brother who likely died young (he disappears from the census records in Oswego when only a minor). Then add to that, caring for her sister and watching her die of tuberculosis. Kate was just two years older than Mary. Having been through the same family dramas, they were likely close.

So at 29, Kate’s life was changed forever. It was now Kate who would prepare Harry and Joe for school, review their school work, teach them manners, dry their tears, bandage their skinned knees. With Henry Mattimore taking jobs out west and then the job in Panama, Kate ran the household and raised the boys. She didn’t try to become Harry and Joe’s mother; she was always just Aunt Kate. I’d like to imagine that Kate took every opportunity she could to tell they boys about their mother — what she was like, her favorite things, how much she loved them.

We don’t know if Kate ever dated or had a love interest, but we do know that she never married. She remained committed to what her life had become: loving aunt and caretaker to Harry and Joe. In later years, when the boys married, Kate was the only parental figure to attend their weddings. And when Harry and Joe had children of their own, those children probably felt like Kate’s grandchildren, although in reality they were her sister’s grandchildren.

My mom used to tell us stories about Aunt Kate. Most were from late in life when Aunt Kate became a little senile. She would forget things. Or do little things like throw out her coffee “because it’s too hot.” Mom’s brothers would lovingly tease Kate. There was the time one of my uncles asked Aunt Kate (who loved ice cream) if she wanted to go down to the corner for an ice cream cone. “Oh, that would be wonderful,” said Aunt Kate, “I can’t remember the last time I had an ice cream.” Gleefully later that evening, another uncle would ask Aunt Kate if she wanted to go for an ice cream, knowing the response would be the same: “I can’t remember the last time I had an ice cream.”

In our family, one Aunt Kate story has become legendary: Sitting in the backseat of the car with the family stopped at a gas station, Aunt Kate threw some fat from her ham sandwich out the window not knowing the attendant was pumping gas right outside. The attendant appeared at her window and bellowed the now immortal phrase: “Who threw that fat in my face?” Needless to say, Aunt Kate was mortified. My uncles were desperately trying to hold in their giggles. We heard that story so often growing up that it has appeared in the “famous sayings” category in family Charade games.

Uncle Hank recently reminisced that “The fabled Aunt Kate was part of my life until her death in January 1952. She died at home surrounded by our family saying the rosary for her. I was a high school senior at the time and my brother Dick was finishing up at Canisius College.” Kate was 80 when she died. And indeed it was HER family surrounding her then.

The next time you visit any of the Mattimore graves in Holy Cross Cemetery, be sure to say a special prayer of thanks at Kate O’Rourke’s grave, too. She gave selflessly of her life to our family. She was the one person who most influenced the lives of our grandfathers, and was likely most responsible for the fine young men they became.

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